Bond in Blossom
by Mickey february9
Summary: Hiroki and Nowaki have been dating for nearly 10 years, but they are both insecure about how much they can support one another. As the couple live their daily lives, dealing with work-life and unexpected encounters, their insecurities cause issues that could rock the foundation of their relationship and future together. Egoist. Spoilers from the manga & anime.
1. As Autumn Arrives

**DISCLAIMER: Junjo Romantica (anime/manga series) story and characters are owned by the creator Nakamura Shungiku and affiliates. This story borrows characters and situations from the Junjo Romantica series and is 100% fan-made and non profit. Also, suing a near broke college student will gain you nothing! So please don't do it!**

**If you've found yourself here and you don't like BL/yaoi, I suggest you jump ship NOW! Seriously.**

This is my first proper chapter story for the Egoist couple. I had the idea for it nearly 2 years ago, but it took me a while to finally write it. I originally planned it as a collection of one-shots, but decided to weave them together as one story. I've worked very hard on this story, and have most of it written out already.

Please enjoy the first chapter!

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**Bond in Blossom**

_By: Mickey february9_

**1**

**As Autumn Arrives**

Hiroki shut off his laptop and reclined in his chair after saving last minute revisions to his lesson plans. He slipped off his reading glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose, letting his brown eyes rest as a mild pain shot to the front of his head. With summer break winding down and the start of Fall session only a few days away, the amount of work Hiroki had powered through over the past month was finally taking a toll on his energy. Stacks of reports sat on his desk, along with articles he recently completed—all physical embodiments of his efforts as a professor of literature.

Hiroki glanced at the dozens of open texts laying on the floor made colorful by the countless page tags sticking out. As much as Hiroki needed rest, he couldn't bring himself to do it. The thought of relaxing brought him unease as did the quietness of the condo. Hiroki felt it during the first couple days of break. Silence and solitude, two things that normally brought him to a calm state, left him with the feeling of time wasted.

The prospect of leisure felt odd, especially when Hiroki knew how busy his lover Nowaki was with his hospital residency. It was common for Nowaki to be at work for most hours of the day, and he often returned home in the sunless morning. Hiroki was used to his partner's schedule and he long ago accepted that Nowaki would likely never catch a proper break, regardless of holidays or special occasions. Intense summer weathers produced the most hectic work days for the hospital staff, and the number of emergencies had risen due to heat related ailments. At most, the couple could expect to spend the weekends together, but nothing was guaranteed.

Hiroki stretched his arms over his head and yawned before sitting upright in his chair. He groaned as he thought of what to do next. Besides work related endeavors, Hiroki dedicated his time to ensuring Nowaki was comfortable and well-rested at home. Most mornings, Hiroki woke up early to prepare breakfast and a bento for Nowaki, and most evenings he would cook dinner, taking the time to improve his skills by attempting to replicate the dishes Nowaki often made, though he tried new recipes every now and then. Hiroki took responsibility for the laundry, the cleaning, and the bills among other things, despite Nowaki insisting their chores remain equally divided. Hiroki wouldn't say it aloud, but he enjoyed keeping busy with the household chores.

Hiroki's cellphone rattled over his desk, emitting a dull buzz through the room. He checked the device and opened a new message. It was a text from Nowaki saying he'd be home early. "Damn," Hiroki muttered as he glared at the time on his phone. Evening had reared its head despite daylight peaking through the window. Hiroki hadn't started dinner yet, and there were still a few housekeeping things he wanted to take care of. He sprung from his seat, leaving his small work corner to get a start on his tasks.

* * *

Hiroki turned off the stovetop before settling at the dining table with a novel in hand. The words on the page did little for him as his eyes wandered to the clock hanging on the wall in the living room. Nearly two hours had passed since he received Nowaki's message, and Hiroki suddenly realized that Nowaki never stated a time for his return—only that he would be home earlier than usual, which could've been anytime from the moment Nowaki sent the message until late into the night. Hiroki chuckled, amused and irritated at his own stupidity.

Hiroki rested his elbows over the table, bringing a palm to his forehead and closing his eyes. The clock ticked three times before he glanced at it again. As he watched the long hand ascend to the eight, the front door unlatched—at least he thought it did. Without bothering to look over his shoulder, Hiroki dismissed the suspicion, knowing if Nowaki arrived home the first thing the man would do was call out to him. Hiroki pulled his eyes from the clock and let his sight hover over the pages of his book, trying unsuccessfully to occupy himself.

"I'm home, Hiro-san," a warm voice caressed Hiroki's ear, the breath of each syllable playing against his lobe. His shoulders tightened and a sharp shiver bolted through him.

"Shit!" Hiroki sprung from his seat, nearly clashing with the table as he turned to the cause of his shock. Nowaki stood before him, tall in stature, his ocean blue eyes accentuated by his black hair. "No-Nowaki! I didn't hear you come in!" Hiroki exclaimed in a jittery fashion, his cheeks brimming pink.

"I know," Nowaki chuckled, his lips curled into a smile.

"Dinner is ready.…I made ramen." Hiroki said, exhaling as he tried to gather himself. He walked towards the kitchen but paused upon realizing he hadn't welcomed Nowaki home yet. Hiroki glanced at Nowaki who was wide-eyed in an apparent state of surprise that quickly smoothed into a melting, nearly seductive, stare.

"What the heck are you doing?" Hiroki raised a brow.

"I'm glad you finally decided to wear it," Nowaki grinned and paced forward, a slight blush flourishing on his cheeks.

Hiroki stepped back in alarm and clutched the waist of his apron. He frowned, trying his damnedest to hold back profanities as he looked at the pink fabric. The apron was complete with frills bordering the straps and the edge of the skirt. Nowaki had given it to him as a gag present a while back—at least Hiroki hoped it was a gag, and not something he was expected to wear in order to satisfy Nowaki's fetishes.

After receiving Nowaki's text earlier that evening, Hiroki searched in vain for his regular apron before finding the pink one at the bottom of his pants drawer. He knew the pending embarrassment that came with wearing it, but figured he'd take it off before Nowaki came home. Little did Hiroki expect the garment would feel so comfortable he would forget he was wearing it.

"It hugs nicely to your body. You look cute!" Nowaki commented excitedly, "But you're supposed to be nude underneath. That's part of the fantasy."

Hiroki shot a hard glare at Nowaki, backing further away and reaching behind to untie the laces of the apron with his fidgety fingers.

"You've got some nerve—joking around like that!" Hiroki loosened the tie and lifted the neck loop over his head. "Take it! It's yours!" Hiroki flung the material at Nowaki and watched it drape over his head.

Nowaki pulled the apron off, giving a disappointed sigh and a face to match, "I didn't get to hold you in this."

"I'm sure _holding_ is all you would've done." How Nowaki could be so playful and energetic after a hard workday was beyond Hiroki. In a way, it was one of Nowaki's most admirable qualities. "Welcome home...that's enough playing. Let's eat."

Hiroki's nerves cooled down when they settled at the table for dinner and the noise of their interaction slipped to tranquility.

"This is delicious." Nowaki pinched a slice of pork with his chopsticks, lifting the meat from the soup and slipping it into his mouth.

"Thanks," Hiroki felt the warmth rise to his cheeks again. Regardless of how common place Nowaki's words were, Hiroki found himself hanging onto them.

They carried on in pleasant conversation, discussing ingredients and the different foods they'd made before. Hiroki observed Nowaki's features; the dark circles and slight wrinkling under Nowaki's eyes betrayed his energy and detracted from the sparkle of his expressions. Signs of tiredness were a common sight on Nowaki's face, but with the recent surge of emergencies at the hospital, it had gotten worse. Hiroki wanted to take all the stress from Nowaki shoulders, and all the same, he knew there was little he could do.

After their meal, Hiroki gathered their dishes to the sink. He intended to wash everything himself but Nowaki was insistent on lending a hand. "Let me help." Nowaki stood behind Hiroki, extending his arms forward as if he were about to capture his lover.

"No need, there's not much to clean." Hiroki turned the handle of the faucet and placed a finger under the flowing water, testing and adjusting its temperature. There was a decent amount of cookware to wash, since the ramen took considerable preparation, but it wasn't anything Hiroki couldn't handle.

"Rest or take a bath. The water is already heated for you." Hiroki squeezed a strip of dishwashing soap onto the sponge and began cleaning the pot he had used to boil the noodles. His hands moved in a circular motion along the interior.

"I will..." Nowaki pushed the sleeves of his shirt over his elbows, reached across the counter for the extra sponge, and started cleaning the outside of the cookware. Clearly, Nowaki was going to do as he pleased, regardless of weariness. Nowaki leaned in closer, pressing his chest casually to Hiroki's shoulders. Hiroki thought of complaining, noting that there was more than enough space for Nowaki to stand beside him, but let the thought slip as the tenseness in his body dissolved under their contact.

Nowaki's pulse drummed against Hiroki's shoulder as their exposed arms grazed each other in the motion of the task. Nowaki's long soap lathered fingers traveled over the simple blossom print of one of the tea mugs and dipped inside, wiping the sponge along its interior. Hiroki's hand came to a halt at the side of the bowl he was washing as he grew mesmerized by the movement of Nowaki's hands. Nowaki set the rinsed mug to the side and placed his hand over Hiroki's, guiding it, along with the sponge beneath Hiroki's palm, around the rim of the bowl. Hot water streamed over their fingers, taking the form of their bones.

Once everything was washed and dried, Nowaki turned the handle to stop the rush of water. The last few drops hit the sturdy surface of the sink and quietness reclaimed the air. Nowaki curled his arms around Hiroki's torso and kissed the center of Hiroki's cheek.

Hiroki relaxed in his lover's support but twitched in surprise when Nowaki's wet fingers traveled beneath his shirt and brushed over his navel. Nowaki's digits explored the area, tracing just above the button of Hiroki's slacks. Nowaki leaned in and rested his chin over Hiroki's shoulder. "What are your plans for tomorrow?" He murmured.

"Errands." Hiroki managed in a breath. Nowaki's warm hands roamed upwards to Hiroki's chest, visiting the indents of his muscles.

"I shouldn't have work tomorrow. So, I'll spend the day with you." Nowaki whispered, bending lower to brush his lips along the side of Hiroki's neck.

The word _shouldn't_ implied uncertainty but Hiroki only faintly acknowledged it as Nowaki unzipped his slacks and tapped a finger over his clothed member. Hiroki trembled as his lower region hardened. Nowaki pulled Hiroki's briefs below the waist, took a firm hold of his lover's erection, and proceeded to pleasure him. Hiroki arched back, panting, as Nowaki's sliding motions caused a dizzying momentum inside him. Hiroki leaned forward and gripped the front edge of the sink as Nowaki increased his pace. "Ngh...Not here," Hiroki protested between breaths.

"Then, let's take a bath together," Nowaki suggested in deep tone, his erection pressed against Hiroki's rear as he continued stroking his lover.

Hiroki breathed in, trying his damnedest to bite back a moan. "You're still going on about that idea? Give it up." It was Nowaki's favorite suggestion, and Hiroki gave his usual reply.

"Hiro-san, we haven't done it in a long time." Nowaki pouted playfully. "We're going to have sex anyway. We might as well clean ourselves while we're at it."

Hiroki chuckled, "You say it so simply, but I know we'll end up taking longer than usual.'' Hiroki recalled their last bath together. They were at it for so long that Hiroki nearly passed out both from the heat of the bath and their activity.

"Of course." Nowaki stood straight, gazing at Hiroki with hooded eyes and taking him by the hand.

As soon as they entered the bathroom, Nowaki pinned Hiroki gingerly against the wall, kissing him fervidly. Under Nowaki's alluring gaze and smirk, Hiroki could easily imagine the creative scenes forming in Nowaki's head. Hiroki tugged at a belt loop of Nowaki's loosened jeans before running his hands to the back of Nowaki's waist. Nowaki reciprocated, bringing a hand over Hiroki's rear and pulling him in, their erections pressed against each other. Hiroki clutched the back of Nowaki's shirt as the heat of their bodies melded. Their wet mouths parted a short moment before locking again. With thumping hearts and eager bodies, they would both be exhausted.

* * *

The next morning, Hiroki woke to find a note placed on his nightstand. He propped himself on his forearm, reached over to retrieved the small piece of paper, and rolled onto his back, sinking into the mattress again. Hiroki blinked as he tried to focus on the blurry note, and rubbed his eyes to acquaint his sight to the daylight penetrating the curtains. He read the brief message characterized by rushed penmanship. Nowaki had received another emergency call from the hospital.

Hiroki gave a loud sigh, letting the paper slip from his fingers and land over his pillow. He figured this would happen, he would've been surprised if it hadn't, and yet he was irritated. Hiroki left his bed, without bothering to arrange the covers, and headed to the restroom. He splashed his face with cold water repeatedly until he was out of his morning slump and attuned with his senses.

Hiroki's soaked brown locks clung to his face, a single strand poking the corner of his eye. He observed the running water as it cascaded down the drain. The thick sound of it being gulped down whipped his ears. Hiroki knew if he didn't keep busy, wishful thinking and unreasonable disappointment would cloud him. After washing up, he dressed into a semi-casual outfit, donning a pair of khaki slacks and a tucked in white long-sleeved collared shirt. He packed his laptop and other materials, before leaving for the university.

In his office, Hiroki made copies of the syllabi for his classes and continued to polish the current article he had been working on. The scent of freshly brewed black coffee rose from his cup, mixing with the smell of new prints. His professional environment was in full, minus Professor Miyagi's intrusive cigarette smoke. Hiroki scanned the contents of the file he'd brought, in search of a passage he needed for reference, when he noticed a small piece of paper sticking out at its corner edge.

Hiroki had the strange tendency of carrying Nowaki's notes with him wherever he went, though he never remembered packing them with his things. Hiroki only became aware of this habit when Professor Miyagi brought it to his attention after finding notes on the floor of their office every so often. Hiroki should've been more aware of the problem by now, especially after Miyagi regularly teased him by reciting the contents of those notes. Hiroki gritted his teeth at the memory. He glanced at the note again before flipping it over. He used the blank side of Nowaki's note to write a grocery list, and left the office shortly after for his next task. Outside, the sun hardly showed itself despite the afternoon's arrival. The sparks of summer were phasing out.

* * *

By the time early evening rolled in, Hiroki had already finished grocery shopping, made his way home to place the goods in their appropriate storage, and was on his way to the bookstore. Soon after, he received a call from Nowaki saying he was off work. They made plans to meet in front of the store. When they saw each other for the first time that day, nothing more than simple greetings passed between them. Nowaki parked his bike before they went inside. The sharp air conditioning from the store hit them upon entrance; it was striking in contrast to the moderate warmth outside, resembling the discomfort of winter more than any relief it was meant to provide.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki spoke loud enough for Hiroki to hear. The brunette looked up to find his lover offering a tender smile. Their mere eye contact quickened Hiroki's pulse, but it was neither the place nor time to indulge. Hiroki averted his eyes, looking off into the distance as he removed the reading glasses he'd forgotten to take off earlier in the day.

The couple parted as they walked further into the store, with Hiroki in Classical Literature and Nowaki in the Health & Wellness section. It took only a few minutes for Hiroki to find the novels he wanted before he started searching for Nowaki. Hiroki turned at the corner of the health aisle and spotted Nowaki browsing through a textbook. He began walking towards Nowaki and was on the verge of calling out to him when another voice rushed in.

"Hey, Kusama!" An anonymous male called from the other end of the aisle, catching Nowaki's attention. Hiroki's initial thought was to keep moving forward, the voice probably belonged to Nowaki's senpai from the hospital. It couldn't have been anyone else.

Hiroki froze when the person in question came into view. He was a pale-brown haired man, wearing standard business attire and holding a brief case. Hiroki retreated urgently to the end of the aisle and watched the two men at a distance, hiding behind the tail-end of the bookshelf.

"Shinoda-san?" Nowaki called back.

Hiroki recognized the man's gray narrow eyes, and evenly parted hairstyle, an appearance that instantly reminded Hiroki of the brief affair he had during his college days. Hiroki clutched the books in his hands as he came down from the shock of seeing Shinoda. Hiroki was frustrated with himself for hiding. That part of his life was done with. He hadn't spoken to Shinoda in years. The man had no bearing on his present life or his future.

Hiroki shook his head lightly and pressed his fingers against the wrinkles formed by his furrowed brows. He needed to keep calm. The important thing now was to figure out the nature of Nowaki's relation with that man. Hiroki leaned against the shelf and peeked over the corner. He tried listening to their exchange, but their voices were drowned by the conversations of passing customers.

Nowaki appeared to be listening intently to Shinoda who rambled on about something. It was obvious that they had interacted before, probably at Nowaki's work. Maybe Shinoda was one of Nowaki's patients. With those possibilities in mind, Hiroki's unease began to slip away, but only minimally. Nowaki's expressions kept Hiroki on edge. At points, Nowaki's eyes widened in apparent fascination, and his shoulders rose with laughter. It was disheartening to see Nowaki being so relaxed with another person, especially someone from Hiroki's less than savory past.

Hiroki pressed the books against his chest and reached in his pants pocket for his cellphone, fully set on texting Nowaki to meet him at the checkout—anything to stop the conversation. Hiroki began typing the message when a generic ringtone sounded from the aisle. Hiroki peered back to see Shinoda flipping open his phone, speaking briefly on it, before hanging up and bringing his attention back to Nowaki. Hiroki concentrated on his own message and pressed send before slipping his phone back into his pocket.

He glanced back quickly at the two men before starting to the checkout. Shinoda handed a small card and pen to Nowaki who hastily scribbled something on the card before returning it. Though it could've been a simple exchange of business information, Hiroki couldn't help but interpret it as a personal phone number exchange. Hiroki groaned, disappointed at his own jealous feelings and manipulative behavior. He thought he was above that. He took his place in line and breathed in deep, trying to regain himself.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki called. Hiroki turned to see his partner standing beside him, he took comfort in the sound of his nickname characterized by the gentleness of Nowaki's voice. He thought he'd be waiting in line alone for a couple more minutes at most. Hiroki found himself wondering where Shinoda had gone, if Nowaki and him had parted, or if he was coming their way.

"Did you find anything?" Hiroki asked, debating whether to question Nowaki about the encounter or not.

"No, I was just browsing," Nowaki answered, "I also saw a patient of mine by chance."

"Oh." The answer quelled a small portion of Hiroki's anxiety. He was far from being okay with their encounter and wanted to know more about it; but Hiroki couldn't think of how to inquire more without revealing the reason for his curiosity, ergo talking about his past relationship with Shinoda. Though Hiroki and Nowaki had been dating for nearly a decade, Hiroki never told Nowaki about that part of his past. If there was no reason to go into the topic, then why do it? The current relation was Nowaki's business, not his. As long as Shinoda wasn't courting Nowaki or causing trouble, there was nothing to worry over. After a short duration, they were at the front of the line and headed to a register.

"Is that Usami-san's latest novel?" Nowaki asked, referring to the book laying at the top of the stack Hiroki placed on the counter.

"It is." Hiroki replied. It was a trivial topic but Hiroki held onto it, hoping to clear his mind of Shinoda. "It was printed last year but I never got around to reading it. Figured I'd pick up a copy before I forgot about it again."

The novel's cover was a dark shade with the title sticking out viciously in white font. Nowaki's sight lingered on the book as the cashier scanned it and slipped it into a slim paper bag. Nowaki's eyes became downcast, harboring an evident sadness. It was shocking to witness Nowaki like this, especially in public.

"What's wrong?" Hiroki voiced with concern.

Nowaki blinked and his brows raised, as if he'd just been pulled back to the current moment. Nowaki lightly shook his head. A faint smile displayed on his lips. "I'm okay."

* * *

Their walk home was mostly silent. The streetlights were on, outshining the soft gradient of orange-pink left by the setting sun. Nowaki rolled his bike beside him as they sauntered along their longer alternative route home. They walked along the park, passing under a maple tree whose branches extended over the sidewalk. The wind picked up for a second, shaking a few leaves out of place. A single leaf landed in the spokes of Nowaki's front bicycle wheel. Nowaki bent to retrieve the leaf and observed it. The maple had most of its color, but the outburst of dull-gold spreading from the left displayed a struggle for the better shades of life.

"The leaves are starting to fall early this year." Nowaki commented, twirling the stem between his thumb and index.

"It seems." Hiroki continued forward.

"Hiro-san, are you upset with me?" The question rang heavy in Nowaki's voice. Hiroki stopped and turned.

"Huh?" Hiroki looked on with a baffled expression, thinking it was odd for Nowaki to ask him that when he was the one giving off gloomy vibes back at the store.

Nowaki dropped the leaf over the grass. "I'm sorry. I really wanted to be with you on your last day off."

The words filled in the disappointment Hiroki felt that morning when he woke to find Nowaki gone. He'd managed to suppress the feeling all day, but now that he acknowledged it, the feeling and all it's effects were returning. As much as they both thought they were used to each other's work schedules interfering with their time together, there were still traces of heartache.

Hiroki walked towards Nowaki, "You're here with me now, that's what matters."

Nowaki stepped on the kickstand of his bike, freeing his hands and bringing Hiroki into his arms under the spotlight of the lamppost.

"Nowaki!" Hiroki protested out of nerves. "Save the romantic crap for later!"

"I'm really going to miss seeing you every time I come home from work." Nowaki rested a hand over Hiroki's head. "Thanks for all you've done for me this past month. I'll cherish all of it." Nowaki loosened their embrace and traced his fingers along the arch of Hiroki's ears. Nowaki touched the tips of their noses together before planting a quick kiss upon Hiroki's lips. "Let's cook dinner together," he suggested, offering a hand to Hiroki.

Hiroki began reaching for Nowaki before dropping his hand back to his side, his bashfulness taking hold. "Idiot, just grab my hand," he said, looking straight into Nowaki's sincere and lively eyes.

A boyish grin surfaced Nowaki's face as he took Hiroki's hand in his. "Promise not to let go until we get home?"

Hiroki's face warmed as he squeezed Nowaki's hand in response. Every drop of anxiousness, every lingering thought between them, was dissolved by the kiss of their palms.

"Oh! Right." Nowaki said, steering the handle of his bike with his free hand as they started forward. "I found your apron this morning," Nowaki chuckled. "It was at the bottom of my overnight bag."

Hiroki shot Nowaki a suspicious look, recalling last night's incident, "You took it on purpose, didn't you."

Nowaki examined Hiroki curiously at the accusation. "Don't give me that innocent look." Hiroki snapped, hitting Nowaki with his bag of newly purchased books.

"But Hiro-san, you packed my bag the other day."

Hiroki's temperature escalated. Not only had he been bested by Nowaki's statement, but those words made him reflect on his summer vacation as a whole. He would miss the easy going days of research. He would miss being able to think of Nowaki and take care of him without distraction. Hiroki shifted his palm and adjusted his fingers, slipping them between Nowaki's digits. With every step bringing them closer to home, Hiroki's daily work life was becoming a reality again. Hiroki felt Nowaki's fingertips wrap securely over his knuckles and reciprocated the motion. Tomorrow, Hiroki would practically be trading one love for another. Their regular routines would kick into gear just as the seasons transitioned.

**つづく**

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**Reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Wholehearted Devotion

For the people who don't know, Shinoda is a manga only character from Egoist 7 & 8. He was in Hiroki's life for a short while when the latter was still in college. Shinoda courted Hiroki, telling Hiroki to give up on Akihiko and go out with him. I actually like Shinoda as a character, but NOT with Hiroki, of course.

I've always been unsure of Shinoda's hair color. I found an official manga illustration of Shinoda & Hiroki, and in contrast to Hiro's hair, Shinoda's seemed to be a pale dusty-brown. That's what I saw, and that's what I've decided to go with. Some authors describe him as having gray hair which works too.

Shinoda will appear again later in this story.

Anyway, here's the second chapter. Please enjoy!

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**2**

**Wholehearted Devotion**

The striking clock sounded for the noon hour when Hiroki stepped into his office. He shut the door and groaned in irritation over the class session he'd just survived. It was one of the most droning experiences he'd dealt with in recent memory, and he knew it was his fault. Placing his materials aside, Hiroki sat at his desk and struck the surface with his fist. He was relieved to have the office to himself. Without Professor Miyagi around he wouldn't have to monitor his behavior, at least for a short while.

Halfway through the class period, a silent tension had clogged the air, bodies filled seats but minds were aloof; he might as well have been teaching to an empty room. It was a relief to hear the footsteps of his students traveling out of the lecture hall, and an even greater relief to be leaving the room himself. Hiroki considered the problem lying in his teaching style, but couldn't think of anything he could do differently. After a few years of teaching, perhaps he had grown numb to his own methods.

Hiroki booted his laptop, contemplating whether to have lunch or start minor preparations for his next lecture when he heard his phone rumble in his bag. He pulled out the device and checked it. He'd received a new text from his childhood friend, Usami Akihiko.

_Are you busy this evening?_

_I need a drinking companion._

_We'll meet at the usual place._

Hiroki eyed the message with vexation, recalling how their last drinking session resulted in him imparting details of his love life which ended up in the latest installment of Akihikio's _Junai Egoist_, Boys' Love, series. Until this day, Hiroki fought to rid the horrid pieces of smut-fiction from his system. He shouldn't have drunk away his senses, especially knowing the ridiculous things his friend was capable of. As Hiroki stared at the contents of the message, deciding whether to accept his friend's proposal, he found himself focusing on each character, wishing the components were rearranged and written by someone else.

It had been nearly two weeks since the new term began, and nearly two weeks since Hiroki and Nowaki saw each other for more than a quick minute in passing. They began exchanging calls and texts regularly after Hiroki went back to work, but almost a week had passed since Hiroki sent out his last message, and Nowaki had yet to reply. Either Nowaki was so busy he couldn't check his messages, or it had gotten lost somewhere in cyberspace, probably both. Hiroki closed Akihiko's message, and opened a new page.

_Keep working hard_, he typed with a swelling heart.

The tension in Hiroki's body melted as he imagined Nowaki's smile and the cheerful melody of his voice. Though the message was brief and simple, Hiroki was certain it would lift Nowaki's spirit. His lips brushed against the screen and lingered there. Hiroki soon pulled the device away and noticed the small residue of breath evaporating from the screen.

"Why the hell am I acting so giddy?!" Hiroki grumbled upon realizing what he'd just done. He pressed SEND before his fervent thoughts caused him to do anything else embarrassing.

Hiroki set the phone on his desk and tried to calm himself before reopening Akihiko's message. In the middle of composing his reply, a creak resonated from the door. Professor Miyagi emerged from the hallway.

"Ka-mi-jou Se-n-se-i, Good afternoon!" Miyagi greeted his subordinate in a playful tone.

"Professor." Hiroki turned and nodded to his superior.

"Ah...what is this?" Miyagi questioned as he made his way to Hiroki. The brunette dismissed the utterance, until he noticed a shadow hovering over him. "Sending a text to your boyfriend, I see." Miyagi teased.

Hiroki placed his phone faced down on the desk and turned to his laptop, feigning work. "Please step out of my air," he said grumpily.

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing worth noting." Hiroki searched through his file case for a document.

"Really?" Miyagi retrieved his lighter and pack of cigarettes from his desk, and took a seat at the couch. "During the first week of the semester, I remember seeing you in a bit of a slump after your afternoon class. And here you are again..."

"I'm having a more difficult time than usual." Hiroki admitted in utterance, irritated by the sight of Miyagi lighting a cigarette.

"I heard a rumor that The Devil Kamijou suddenly turned into a boring case."

Hiroki twitched at Miyagi's statement, though the rumor was accurate enough. He didn't have much of a problem teaching literature students. It was the students who took introductory courses as a general requirement whom he couldn't seem to get through to. As an instructor, Hiroki had mellowed throughout the years. No longer was he known as the professor who projected classroom supplies at his inattentive students, though he still fought the urge to do it from time to time. He was there to teach, not pester undisciplined adults. Hiroki knew he wasn't a favored instructor among students, and figured if he brought his rage down a notch, he would gain more approval. Instead, things seemed to be worsening steadily.

The majority of Hiroki's work was spent outside of the classroom, with his research and minor administrative duties. Teaching was secondary in comparison, but it was a heavy responsibility in itself. While it was a part of the job that Hiroki felt least passionate about, he approached it seriously and devoted as much energy as he would into anything else. He simply didn't have the talent for it. He didn't have the like-ability factor, and he wasn't particularly charismatic.

"You need to brighten up." Miyagi blew his first bout of smoke. "Make them laugh, liven up your lectures a little."

"I'm not here to entertain."

"At least try smiling more often." Miyagi stood from his seat and approached Hiroki, his hand reaching over Hiroki's head. "Students—no matter how old—like friendly instructors."

Hiroki knocked Miyagi's hand away, and turned back to his laptop. "It's impossible for me to fake that kind of thing." Hiroki wasn't dismissing the points his superior made, but he wanted to conduct his classes with honesty. There was a time when the prospect of teaching had him thrilled, but that feeling had dwindled somewhere along the road.

"I'm not telling you to fake it."

"Thanks," Hiroki nodded. "I'll figure something out."

"Good, It'd be a shame to see you like this for the rest of the term." Miyagi smiled and gave Hiroki a light pat on the shoulder before making his way to the copy machine.

* * *

Hiroki checked his inbox under the tinted lighting of the bar, hoping for a reply from Nowaki. Hiroki arrived at the bar early for his meeting with Akihiko and, naturally, his mind drifted to thoughts of Nowaki. He was growing annoyed with his fixation. Sure, he missed him, but there was no sense in drowning himself that sentiment. Perhaps he had let himself fall too deep in the habit of pampering Nowaki over the summer, and was currently experiencing a rude adjustment period. If that were the case, he needed to bear it, and hope it dissolved soon. Hiroki slipped his phone back into his coat pocket, vowing not to check it again unless it buzzed.

"I thought I'd be early for a change, but you beat me here," a familiar voice uttered. Hiroki turned to see his friend taking the seat next to him.

"Akihiko," Hiroki greeted the man and squinted at the sight of Akihiko's silver-like hair shining gold under the tinted lights.

"I know it's late for you, so I'll try not to take up too much of your time." The novelist slipped a cigarette from its pack and propped it between his lips.

After they ordered their drinks, the bar grew noisier as more customers flew in, though it was far from bustling. They'd said no more than a few words to each other. The eventual silence between them roused concern in Hiroki. There was no apparent strain in Akihiko's violet eyes, no slump in his posture. Akihiko pulled the cigarette from his lips.

"You said you weren't going to take up my time," Hiroki said in lieu of a question.

Akihiko averted his gaze to the lavish display of unopened liquor on the other side of the counter.

"We've been together for almost four years." Akihiko revealed, a solemn expression on his face. He paused and reached for his glass. "Misaki's a college graduate now, and he's working full-time."

"Oh," Hiroki placed his glass on the counter. He knew where the conversation was going. Takahashi Misaki was Akihiko's, much younger, lover, and a former student of Hiroki's. In truth, hearing Akihiko talk about his intimate affairs was always uncomfortable, but it wasn't often Akihiko opened up to Hiroki about his love life in a serious manner, so Hiroki was able to set aside his reservations.

"He's not at home as often as he should be and it's pissing me off. Since he's with me, he doesn't need to work, or worry about money," Akihiko's voice grew stern with every word.

"You've been the one taking care of him financially all this time. He probably wants to make his own way to support you in the same regard," Hiroki responded.

"I know, but he's drifting from me. I'd rather he avoid the outside world and stay in mine." Akihiko took another puff.

"Are you planning to do something about it?" Hiroki knew there had to be more to this. Akihiko would never call him up merely to talk about his feelings.

"I don't have any concrete plans, but...I want to steal him away to a European country, so I can marry him."

Hiroki coughed, nearly choking on the cold beer passing down his throat. "Huh?" He set his glass down harshly and stared at his friend in disbelief. He understood why Akihiko thought the way he did. Being in a long-term relationship, the subject of marriage had crossed Hiroki's mind as well, but none of that served to make the topic any less taboo, especially when addressed in public. "Don't you think marriage is a bit of a stretch?"

"No," Akihiko's lips spread into a smirk, that mischievousness Hiroki knew so well was back.

Hiroki clasped his hands, unsettled by the new direction their conversation was headed. "I mean...if you're seeking a way to be bound to him there's—"

"I'm not going to adopt Misaki. That would cause a stir with his family. And even in a hypothetical sense, I don't want to be a father to him." Akihiko brought the cigarette back to his lips and breathed in.

"If you get married overseas and come back to Japan, your marriage won't be legal," Hiroki stated frankly. He couldn't see the point in it all, but Akihiko was rich enough. The guy could do whatever the hell he wanted.

"It's just a fantasy of mine for now, but I'll make damn sure it happens." Akihiko persisted. He glanced briefly at Hiroki. "Two young men getting married overseas. What a good premise for a BL. It's been done before, but I'll figure a way to spice it up."

Hiroki was immediately on guard at Akihiko's idea. "Just keep me out of it. If I notice my likeness anywhere, I'll cut you down...and, anyway, you're not young." Hiroki gulped the rest of his beer down and ordered another from the bartender.

"Why would I do something like that?" Akihiko shrugged.

"Why have you done it before?" Hiroki grumbled, tapping his fingers over the slick wooden surface of the table.

"Beside the point. I didn't expect to get into a serious conversation about marriage." Akihiko's lips curved in amusement. "You're really getting into it. Have you thought deeply about it yourself, perhaps?

"I'm only commenting on what was said to me." Hiroki observed the tower of slow melting ice in his glass. Marrying Nowaki may have crossed his mind once, along with one or two 'what-if' scenarios, but he never considered it an option.

"Oh right. You're probably too busy to think about it," Akihiko said flatly.

Hiroki frowned at Akihiko's remark, clenching his teeth and fighting the urge to strangle his friend on the spot. Being busy hardly had anything to do with it. Hiroki wasn't comfortable with the circumstances surrounding gay marriage. If two people wanted to be together, there were other ways to make it happen outside of marriage.

"You know as well as I do, with marriage comes the expectation that you'll start a family. That's what we were raised to think anyway. By that mentality, it doesn't make sense for two men, or two women, to marry."

"What about marrying for love?" Akihiko's question struck Hiroki at the heart. The image of him and Nowaki making their vows was flustering. It seemed like an unrealistic portrait, but a small part of him yearned for it.

"I'm...not sure." Same-sex relationships had no moving space. He and Nowaki could only be lovers, partners—that was good enough. Hiroki was sure Akihiko understood that much of his own relationship. Hiroki leaned his elbows upon the table and cradled his forehead in his palms. Overwhelmed by a weightless sensation, he knew he'd consumed enough alcohol for the night.

"Have a little imagination." Akihiko released his last puff of smoke before suffocating the light in a nearby ashtray.

Hiroki turned down Akihiko's offer for a ride and insisted on walking home. The cool evening air helped rouse him from his light haze. He felt relieved of the days stress, despite the confusion he retracted from his conversation with Akihiko. Hiroki didn't want to think about marriage, he shouldn't allow himself to. He needed to focus on the present and have realistic expectations of the future. He thought of how long they had been together, of all the hurdles they had overcome and were still battling with. Their relationship was one of wholehearted devotion and support. They had each other. There wasn't much more they needed. Hiroki was confident in that.

He yawned and approached the entrance to the condominium building. A lamppost flickered, and he noticed the bicycles aligned on the nearest rack of the front parking lot. Normally, he wouldn't have stopped to observe such a mundane sight, but for some mysterious reason he was drawn to it. Nowaki's bike was stationed at the far end of the line, it's wheels worn down—riddled with scratches and tears. Nowaki rode his bike regularly to work, but for the past week or so, it had remained untouched. As Hiroki knelt to get a closer look at the bike, his cellphone rumbled in his pocket, sending chills over his skin. Hiroki eagerly checked his phone and was greeted by a new text from Nowaki.

_Hiro-san, sorry for the late response. Thank you for the message. I'm really inspired just knowing you're thinking about me. I'll do my best. I won't let you down. Please keep working hard as well. I love you. I miss you. See you soon._

"Finally," Hiroki whispered. His eyes ran along Nowaki's sentences more than once. A brightness was brought to his otherwise mediocre day. "Still working hard, even at this hour..." Hiroki smiled as he traced a spoke of the front wheel with his finger.

* * *

Hiroki sauntered to the kitchen, wearing his comfy blue flannel pajamas and his hair untidy. He slowly blinked as he reached the counter. The effects of last night's alcohol had mostly worn off but a floating feeling remained. Thankfully it was the weekend, meaning he didn't have to leave for work. He poured a few scoops of coffee grains into the filter for the maker and checked the clock to remind himself of the time. His body was telling him to return to bed, even though his mind was already up and active.

Hiroki sat at the dining table and unfolded yesterday's newspaper, catching up on the articles he missed. The rich aroma and the sound of coffee dripping into the carafe created a relaxing atmosphere. Ten minutes quickly passed when Hiroki realized the coffee hadn't finished brewing. The clear glass revealed there being nearly twice the amount of coffee he'd intended for, and more was still dripping into the container. He'd put too much water in, enough to make coffee for two. Hiroki groaned and unplugged the maker before grabbing a mug from the cabinet and pouring himself the beverage. He had to move on with his morning.

Shuffling sounds resonated from the front door, Hiroki turned and saw a blur of a figure standing there. It was only natural, at this point, to start hallucinating. The figure had dark-hair and wore a beige coat coupled with a midnight blue scarf, like the one he'd bought for Nowaki the previous Christmas. The figure walked towards Hiroki who looked on as if in a dream.

"Hiro-san," cooed a tender voice.

"Nowaki," Hiroki snickered, squeezing his eyelids shut and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Good morning," a firm set of arms encompassed Hiroki. The warmth of the gesture brought reality to his mislabeled imagination. Hiroki was now fully aware of the person pressed to him. Excitement thrived with his wild drumming pulse. Hiroki hardly knew what to do with himself. He placed a hand upon Nowaki's chest and stepped back to regroup from the surprise.

"You're here!" Hiroki stared at the shape of his lover's broad shoulders, feeling too flustered to look Nowaki in the face. "Welcome home."

Nowaki's palms sheltered the sides of Hiroki's face, his fingers submerging in his beloved's hair. Nowaki leaned in, bringing their foreheads and noses to touch. The scent of soap and shampoo filled Hiroki's nostrils. Nowaki leaned in to kiss his lover, but Hiroki pulled away as soon as their lips grazed. The brunette cleared his throat and reached for his mug. "So, you don't have work today?"

Nowaki nodded, "They told me I wasn't needed. I'm still on call for emergencies, but if all goes well, I'll be here for the weekend."

"That's good," Hiroki said, blowing at the steam rising from his coffee.

"Speaking of work, how has yours been?"

Hiroki chuckled in attempt to shed the nervous tension the question gave him. "It's been going as well as it can." Hiroki took a sip, unwilling to share the details of his teaching trials.

"Do you have much to do today?"

"Ah...I have some papers to grade, and documents to review. That's about it. I'm planning to start it soon."

"Better earlier than later, right?" Nowaki said, walking towards the pantry. "Why don't you wash up. I'll make us breakfast."

Hiroki hadn't eaten any of Nowaki's cooking in quite sometime, and his growling stomach made it difficult to refuse the offer. "Okay, do you want any help?"

"It's fine," Nowaki replied. He rolled his shoulder and winced for a short moment. The scene wasn't unnoticed by Hiroki, but he knew if he asked what was wrong, Nowaki would simply deny it. He would need to plan a sneak attack, if he wanted to be of any help.

* * *

In the afternoon, Hiroki took a break from his work and noticed Nowaki napping on one of the sofas in their living room. He obtained a small bottle of rubbing oil from the bathroom and snatched a pillow from Nowaki's bed before making his move.

"Hey, Nowaki." Hiroki shook the man gently by the arm and lifted the novel that had been lying over Nowaki's chest. He briefly examined the cover, noting that it was one of Akihiko's novels, and set in on the cocktail table less than a foot away.

"Hiro-san?" Nowaki said groggily, his eyelids flickering.

Hiroki dropped the pillow over Nowaki's face. "You can take it on the floor or the sofa."

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki shot up with enthusiasm, his cheeks flourishing a subtle pink. "It's been so long since you made the first move!"

"Idiot! That's not it!" Hiroki raised his voice, completely dumbstruck by Nowaki's twinkling expression. Hiroki twisted the cap of the bottle. "Take off your shirt," he demanded.

"Wait." Nowaki gave a reassuring smile. "You don't need to do anything. I'm okay."

Hiroki glared at the other man and gained in closer. "You're a terrible liar. Now choose!"

"Hmm…" Nowaki paused, giving his options considerable thought.

Nowaki chuckled, placing the pillow on the floor, using it as a cushion. He'd gone from hesitant to eager in a split second. Hiroki looked on suspiciously at Nowaki who was stripping his shirt as requested. Hiroki sat on the sofa, settling his legs along Nowaki's sides. He distributed the oil over his palms and massaged the moisture into Nowaki's shoulders, pressing and rubbing circles into the man's ailing muscles.

"Feels good," Nowaki sighed, his muscles relaxing under Hiroki's touch.

Hiroki mused on his lover's demeanor. Despite being in pain, Nowaki hardly ever complained. Nowaki faced his challenges with unrivaled passion and determination, working himself until everything was taken care of. It was Nowaki's drive that had Hiroki worried over the last couple of weeks. He knew Nowaki would skip meals every now and then, and his hours of sleep were often scarce.

When Hiroki was on vacation, he could at least ensure Nowaki ate his meals and obtained some amount of healthy sleep. Being back at work, and seeing Nowaki less, left Hiroki unsettled and worried over his lover's well-being. But he knew Nowaki could take care of himself. Nowaki was a self-made man who was aware of his own limits. Feeling Nowaki's body heat beneath his palms, and seeing his bright face, was all the reassurance Hiroki needed to know his lover was okay.

"Hiro-san, you're a terrible liar too." Nowaki leaned back, resting the top of his head against Hiroki's stomach.

"Uh..."

"Things aren't going well at work for you."

Hiroki sighed and focused on a far off corner of the room. "I'm not doing very well as an instructor. Most students don't seem interested in anything I say."

"But you're a great teacher!" Nowaki exclaimed fervently. Hiroki's grip on Nowaki's shoulder tightened as he gazed down at his lover. Hiroki wanted badly to take confidence in Nowaki's words, but his current hurdle wouldn't allow it.

"I've been thinking that my interests have a bearing on my teaching ability. I've always been more invested in my research. I may not have the heart for teaching, at least in a way students can relate to."

"Hiro-san, you put so much time and thought into your lesson plans, and I've seen how carefully you grade papers and write feedback for your students. All of your diligent preparation must reflect in your lectures." Nowaki explained.

"Do you have a secret eye watching me?" Hiroki joked.

"I just know how caring you are." Nowaki reached over his shoulder and captured Hiroki's hand. "I remember when you tutored me. You explained everything so clearly, and you had a captivating spark in your voice. Your lessons were really helpful, and I could tell you cared about my progress. Honestly, the experience of learning from you is invaluable. I've been able to go far with the knowledge you imparted to me. I couldn't have asked for a better person to guide me."

Hiroki ran his free hand through Nowaki's dark locks. "Thanks, but I'm dealing with people who aren't in love with me." Hiroki gazed at the window across the way. He really didn't know what he was doing wrong. He probably needed to take a crash course in personality, considering how boring his students supposedly thought he was.

"You must've had your reasons for going to graduate school and becoming a professor. There were many other things you could've easily done, but you decided to embrace this." Nowaki reached up to cup Hiroki's cheek. The brunette gazed at Nowaki from his inverted view and leaned into the force of Nowaki's touch.

"You just need to reconnect with your passion." Nowaki continued, "Keep doing things your way, I'm sure you'll find it again." Nowaki propped himself by his forearms, easing upward until the opposite ends of their lips met.

Hiroki's fingers brushed just below Nowaki's chin, passing over his Adam's apple. Their taste buds played against each other. Nowaki straightened his back and pushed up further, opening his mouth wider, and tilting his head to the side. Nowaki's teeth grazed along Hiroki's bottom lip, biting down tenderly, pressing and pulling at the flesh. Hiroki's hands reveled in the shape of Nowaki's lean muscles, his fingers curling in reaction to the fluttering sensation his partner was giving him. Nowaki's hot drumming pulse soothed Hiroki as his thoughts rolled back to the issue they were discussing.

Nowaki was right, Hiroki had lost touch with what made him enthusiastic about teaching. The influence of shared knowledge was the main reason Hiroki wanted to become a professor. Seeing a student take what they learned in the classroom and apply it to their lives, seeing them examine things through a more critical eye, and accomplish greatness through their studies was the most rewarding part of being a professor. Hiroki loved witnessing growth and progress, and he loved being part of the process.

After their lips parted, Nowaki pushed up for a quick finishing kiss. Whenever Hiroki was with Nowaki like this, cozy and free of worry, his reflections and thoughts became clearer, and balance was attainable. Nowaki spun around and crawled onto the sofa, taking Hiroki into his arms, and guiding him to the lap of the sofa. They cuddled in silence for a few minutes, both on the verge of falling asleep.

"Nowaki," Hiroki muttered, "I can put some of my work off until tomorrow. So, if you want to do anything…"

"I just want to stay here with you, if that's okay."

Hiroki closed his eyes and nestled against Nowaki's chest.

Half an hour later Nowaki's phone rattled over the cocktail table. It stopped after a single vibration, indicating a text or a type of notification. Hiroki rose reluctantly to check the phone. Though he dreaded the possibility, if it was an important notice from the hospital he didn't want Nowaki to get in trouble for failing to respond promptly. Hiroki flipped open the phone and read the new text.

_Hey Kusama, Do you have plans this weekend? I was hoping we could meet up and finish our discussion. I can see you anytime today or tomorrow. If you're too busy, I understand, but I won't take up much of your time. Contact me ASAP._

_-Shinoda_

The phone shook under Hiroki's twitchy hold. The scene from the bookstore came to mind; he had more than a few questions. Hiroki turned to the sofa, intending to wake Nowaki, but didn't have the heart for it. He'd tell him of the message later. It could definitely wait.

**つづく**

* * *

Notes:

While gay couples can't get married in Japan there are alternative ways for them to be united by law. One way same-sex couples can bind themselves legally is through adoption, in which the older partner adopts the younger one.

In 2009, a law was passed in Japan, allowing gay couples to marry in countries that will perform gay-marriage. However, even if Japanese gay couples decide to take advantage of this option, their union will not be recognized in Japan. As of recent, same-sex civil unions aren't recognized either.

**Thanks for reading! I am working on Chapter 3.**


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